I just stared into the mirror and instead of finally seeing ME as I did in the bathroom next to my poststructualism class in september I see a sixteen year ld girl staring back at me instead of the twenty year old genderqueer person I know I am. 

this mirror has blessed and plagued me wtih just enough and too much self reflection.

I don’t recognize myself in my eyes. 

i don’t belong in this house. i miss belonging. I belong in claremon.t here… i’m not so sure. why do i feel differenlty all of a sudden? when i came home for thanksgiving I crawled into bed and burst into tears.

now i feel disconected. and all i want to do is take the car and go. i’m afraid. afraid that i’ll never be ver ANDi. right now looking into the mirror i see myself with him, much more than i see myself with caitlin.

i’m scared i’ll see her and nto be in love wihth her anmore. i’m scared. scared that i’m a coward. which is so hypocritical.

I just saw sophie sholl. she will not have died in vain because I will tak her message to heart and fight tirelessly for my communities. be the best ally i can be and VOICE myself. i need to VOICE myself to epoeple. like who?

like daddy and robbie about being genderqueer. to people I love. about how much I love them.