December 2011
4 posts
Dec. 19th...
I had a nightmarish dream last night. It felt like i dreamt it recently. LIke i just woke up from it. It was definitely inspired by the episode of How I met your Mother last night in which a sweet looking 13 year old boy named Scott tricks Marshall by pretending to look up to him. He leaves Marshall up on the roof of his house to put up christmas lights while he has a party inside the house. He...
I’m fourty year old man/good looking and fit and I’m with large group of people outside by community pool. Without giving it second’s thought I jump into the pool fully dressed. I start talking to people on the edges of the pool when rachel conrad/or someone like her comes up to me and asks me to stop doing that becuase the pool is supposed to be a place where you meet new...
A neverending love and thanks letter
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I love you.
I thank you.
These are some words for all of you to whom I owe dozens of epiphanies, hundreds of hugs, and thousands of love whispers. Please don’t feel obliged to read all of this, just what is helpful.
I’m sitting here on the bed I grew up in facing my...
It is here
I just stared into the mirror and instead of finally seeing ME as I did in the bathroom next to my poststructualism class in september I see a sixteen year ld girl staring back at me instead of the twenty year old genderqueer person I know I am.
this mirror has blessed and plagued me wtih just enough and too much self reflection.
I don’t recognize myself in my eyes.
i don’t belong...
November 2011
2 posts
I hold my breath trying to square my body around the walnuts of my experience. Trying to turn these bendable, splendid, limbs and cores into the static and strict nutcracker my elders have taught me to assume. Angela, you cannot put your hair into a bun with only three pins, she said as she grabbed me by my ponytail and dragged into the center of the studio. My 9-year-old classmates giggled and I...
LAPD Workshop Pt. 2
I have just gulped swigs of water-and my throat has never felt so alive. I felt each drop of water caress the walls of my mouth while also experiencing this swig of water as whole, almost solid. Right now I feel a stretch in my lower back as my body corouches to write on this paper, a canvass for my thoughts and the worlds shadows. Penumbra, is the stat I’m in, clearly out of focus, a state...
October 2011
9 posts
“You are as free as you feel.”
– Angie tripping in J-Tree with they’s friends and beloved.
Haiku
In every cloud
there is hope to transform
wisps in to stories
Dogs?
haha. That’s exactly how I feel. Dogs?
I had this dream last night when I was sleeping at Jacey’s and I can’t quite remember it (at all). I just know it had something to do with stuffed dogs coming back to life.
Dreamworld vs. Noworld
I BARELY remember this dream.
There were chapters or levels to my dream. And every time I came to a new level I would have to choose new lovers. All i remember is that the lovers I was forced to choose for the first level were two older gay men? something about anal sex.
It’s so frustrating. i wake up and I FEEL as if i’m in the middle of something. My brain tries to rewind to what...
A full five second revelry
Bending down towords the sun washed grass,
I revel being high on a thursday afternoon for a full five seconds
before I leap up to finish hands dirty business
of queering bikes, and fixing dykes.
so we all won’t spread off the table, like a puddle turned waterfall.
And the sun continues to bounce down the clouds,
followed by sounds of hammering tools and working whistle.
Empty Space
In shared solitude with cemented stairs,
I stare into the carved out space your eyes would inhabit
if only you had survived our conversation.
We must have built too many ladders, criss-crossing over ponds of alligators, just to have been devoured by the terridactles.
We must have spent so many hours whispering laughter into each others sea shells, we forgot to check ourselves for signs of...
You come to me unwillingly
I thought of you in song today,
you came to me unwillingly.
I was talking of lady bugs crawling up pink tutus, when your name crashed out of my mouth like a jeep swerving and diving windshield first into a river hundreds of feet below.
You came to me unwillingly stuck in between two glances of a green lollipop.
I blink and you come alive,
something about blinking and licking brings you to me....
The 1st Dream
just remembered a dream i was having.
I was on a trip with an older man who I was dating/seeing I think he was a professor of mine, it reminded me of my relationship with Joe Parker a little bit, and for some reason he kind of reminded me of Jacey’s dad as well. And I think he was indian and brown skinned. We were in his car by the beach. on a cliff. And I remember (i think) me trying me kisisng...